Recently I attended a day long Mental Health seminar, where in one breakout session “emotional memory” was discussed in relationship to trauma brain. It’s when we connect strong emotions to memories, which cause them to stay with us and be able to recall. And the emotions don’t distinguish between good or bad events. It’s why we can remember great details on specific events in our life, for me examples include: my wedding on 7/3/82, what I was doing on 9/11 (but not on 10/11 or 12/11), the evening I broke my leg, going to Russia in July/August 2004 for our adoption, etc. It’s why some events are hard to talk about in our lives because of all the “emotions” we have attached to them. As I pondered this whole idea of emotional memories, it got me thinking about the emotional memories I’m attaching to my hiking, personal, and work life; along with how I can better manage them in a positive way.
In hiking there are a number of “different events” that can create and trigger emotional memories. On the negative side; it can be dogs that attack you, people leaving trash, disrespect of trails, tragic events (Tim Watkins) etc. Our decision with “what I can control” can determine how I move forward; past these negative created emotions. Do I let them ruin my hikes or do I realize I cannot control the behavior of others out on a trail; so, I work to disregard them. On the positive side of emotional memory, what I am doing to create positive emotional remembered hikes. And it not like every hike will be an emotional remembered hike. For me it’s those special ones that trigger emotions that cause the memories to flood in: hiking the Grand Canyon Rim 2 Rim, seeing the Captain Sydney Harrison crash site or more recently the B-17 crash site.
In my personal life, I’ve already mentioned some key emotional memories, so here I’m thinking about how can I affect the emotional memories with family members. Recently my wife, Arlene was gone for five days to attend a wedding in North Carolina, leaving me home with my two sons. Before she left, I got thinking about what kind of emotional memories do I want to create with my sons while she is gone; and how do I want my sons to remember times like these. Will it be dad engaging with them or will it be dad with harshness, anger, etc. because they are not meeting my every request right away. And what are the emotional memories I’m creating with my wife. Do my words (and tone) create positive responses or negative ones which can create wounds hard to heal.
At work I have lots of positive emotional memories from when I often traveled and able to take Arlene with me. But then there was also the emotional memory of getting the phone call telling me I was getting laid off. I’ve realized that many of my negative emotional memories are tied to difficult co-workers and managers. Getting called into an office or assigned to work with a certain person can trigger a knot in my stomach (from a previous bad encounter); even though this could be a positive opportunity in the current situation.
It’s really a matter of choice; am I going to let those past negative emotional memories hold me back from experiencing new positive opportunities or do I allow myself to move forward. Yes, we all have painful memories, but to what extent do I allow them to control my future. It’s time for us to intentionally start planning and creating those positive memories. What can we do in the next week, month, and year to create positive emotional memories in our hiking, personal, and work life.
Al Andersen 