To varying degrees, we are all Prideful with things we have done in our hiking, personal, and work lives. And for me, the more prideful I am, the more shameful I start to feel when my achievements fall apart, come crashing down on me, and I don’t know how to respond. Then the Embarrassment feelings start up and it gets worse. The question is how should I (we) respond to these life events that cause Shame and Embarrassment; and not let them drag us down? It can start with looking for that glimmer of hope, having a thankful attitude, creating a new opportunity, and making them a larger part of my life.
In hiking, my fitness has been my pride. Thinking I’m in great shape and can perform “flawlessly”. This was the case for my Grand Canyon Rim to Rim hikes in 2016 and 2018. I organized the trips, trained hard, did the right things to prepare, and yet; I became the slow one on both trips with severe thigh and leg cramps as we climbed the last few miles out of the canyon. And not to mention, having dry heaves on the first trip. Not exactly the image I wanted to show during these hikes. Still I was able to complete the hikes, everyone made it safely, and they had stories to tell of a bucket list hike completed. Here Shame and Embarrassment can be stifled by focusing on the positive results of the trip (aka event), being thankful, and sharing my weaknesses; which gives me hope for new hiking challenges and provides encouragement to others.
On the personal front, we often show our pride in talking about the closeness of family members, how great our kids are doing, or how perfect our social and financial life is. We create these unrealistic visions in our minds of what our lives should be like. But what happens when it doesn’t turn out that way? And I might add, I think it gets harder as we get older because we are running out of time to go back and “fix” everything and “everyone.” I’m finding a key here is to start with a thankful heart and verbally expressing it as I start each day with a focus on what next steps, I’ll be taking verses looking back. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future and be thankful for what I do have today.
In work, my pride comes from the jobs I’ve had. And it tends to be one of the first things guys always say when they meet another guy for the first time. “Hi, my name is Al and I’m a Senior IT Project Manager at ______. What do you do?” But now my response has become “Hi, my name is Al and I was laid off last month….” I may not want to know what they do because it may be a really cool job that I wish I had. The Shame and Embarrassment hits everyday when I wake up knowing I don’t have a job to go to, where I can provide for my family. The mind shift for me has to become: what are the new opportunities that this lay off can provide me, what new flexibility does it provide to my schedule, and how do I treat this time off as a gift to use? An example of this came to life as on a Thursday when I was able to take my sons to the Denver Auto Show in the middle of the day, which had less crowds and a lot less traffic. This lay off time is also giving me the opportunity to do a closer examination of what do I really want to do with the rest of my life? Things I wouldn’t be able to easily do, if I was working full time.
Having and expressing a thankful attitude is key to overcoming hard events that can drag us down in our hiking, personal, and work lives. We can either live in the Shame and Embarrassment of these events or choose to move forward with a grateful heart. And it’s not something you do on your own. It’s sharing the journey of these events with others close you, that allows the words to come out and the healing to start.
Al Andersen 