An Obligation can be defined as “an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound; a duty or commitment:” I think it can become a burden we allow others to place on us and one we also place on others. ” I have an Obligation to look after them”. “You know you will get in trouble if you don’t do _____”. “What will they think of you if you don’t attend this wedding, that party, this event, or Holiday X”. Yet, Obligations are important in the times we live In. I think how we respond to Obligations is the crux of the issue. Is my response to meet an Obligation, coming from my Head or my Heart? If it’s coming from my Head, I’m going to expand the minimal amount of effort to meet the Obligation. If it’s coming from my Heart, I’m all in going above and beyond the effort needed to meet the Obligation.
In hiking I’m now seeing I place Obligations on other when I’m organizing a hike and try to get all my buddies to join me. Just today, I was talking to my friend Dominick Gonzalez about a hike I’m leading to Cap Rock. He said he had a lot on his plate for tomorrow and didn’t think he could join us. Did I ask him what he had going on? NO… I just bugged him about not going with us. If people meet my Obligations, I feel important, empowered and in control. My needs are more important than yours… But if I look at hiking Obligations from the Heart, it changes the way I ask people to go on hikes with me. It becomes: “Hey Dominick It’s been a few months since we have gotten together, let’s go for a hike and catch-up with life, one on one.
In our personal life, Obligations often explode during family and holiday get togethers. You become obligated to “know your place”, so live in it and don’t raise subjects that need to be addressed. Or we keep quiet and don’t share what is going on in our lives, because of the pain that is there. The Head Obligation is focused around discussing -before we get there: “How long will we stay? “, “If so and so comes, I’m not going to talk to them”, “I hope there is a football game on TV, so I don’t have to engage with anyone”. Oh, and we were told to bring a food item, so let’s stop at the store and buy those generic cookies that don’t taste that bad… The Heart Obligation response is: Let’s bring our box of games and use games to engage with others. It’s “I hope so and so shows up because it been a long time since we talked”. It’s “I’m glad they asked us to bring a food item two weeks ago, so I had time to make the special ______ that everyone loves.”
At work, Head Obligations are meetings to attend (I hope I can call in, so I can work on other things during the meeting), charities to give to (Can I just put in 2 bucks and get them off my back), or after hour work parties (Don’t they know I’m already spending 60 hours a week at work. I’ll show up and make an excuse to leave as soon as I can). Or do I make it a Heart Obligation. “I’m going to turn on my video feed for the meeting and stay engaged. Let’s find other ways to support the company charity. I going to use the work party to show “Heart” interest in those I only work with on the peripheral.
Head verses Heart only has a few differences in the letters, but they are worlds apart when you start to make it a Heart verses a Head Obligation. As we enter into this new year, start taking time to examine how you are in responding to Obligations: Head or Heart??? And what kind of Obligations are you putting on others, is your Obligation request coming across as a Head or Heart item?
Oh, and one last thing about making things a Heart Obligation. Obligations done from the Heart, will take you to levels you have never experienced before. I’m training for a half marathon in two months. And I started a training run this week with a Head Obligation feeling: “I hate running, I’m not going to make it, I’ll just walk most of it this time, can I stop after 4 miles, etc.” Then one mile into the run, I stopped looking at my distance/time app and made the decision to make it a Heart Obligation run: “I’m running to get in better health, to challenge myself to new goal, to learn about enduring in hard physical times, etc.” I quit looking at my app for the next 6 miles, finished the route, and found out I just did my longest and fastest run. The power of a Heart Obligation fulfilled…
Al Andersen 