Let’s admit it; we all get angry and most of us have an anger problem to one degree or another. And while we self-analyze to see what is causing the anger; how often do we look at what our “anger is costing us” as a way to get us to reduce our anger. This idea hit home to me as I was reading “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich”, by William L. Shirer. In it, there is the story of Yugoslavia’s internal upheavals which changed their alliance from being with Germany to being against Germany. This angered Hitler, which caused him to delay his invasion of Russia and spend April of 1941 invading and occupying Yugoslavia. Hitler’s invasion of Russia thus began later in June of 1941, and not getting his army to the outskirts of Moscow until December of 1941 because of early snow in Russia. Thus, giving time for the Russian army to regroup and push back the German attack. William Shirer make the case that to some extent, Hitler loss of Russia was because of the cost of his anger toward Yugoslavia creating the delay of the invasion of Russia. Which gets me to this Trail Tip of thinking about what my anger “costing me” when I let it get out of hand with my actions.
In Hiking, there are a lot things that can get me angry. And we all experience them at some time: dog poop bags left on trails, trash discarded, people cutting across switchbacks, agreeing to hike with others who say they are in the same shape as you, but have a completely different mindset on what is a fast pace, etc. In the past, I’ve tended to let this anger “cost and rob” me of the joy of the hike I’m on. Now when I see one of these things that anger me; I’m starting to ask myself “Just because this person is a jerk leaving trash/poop bags on the trail; is it worth focusing on them and ruining the mindset of why I’m on this hike in the first place?” “Or isn’t getting to know this person more important than “saving the 15 minutes I would get by hiking faster and leaving them behind?”
In my personal life, my anger tends to be around other car drivers and (unfortunately) family members closest to me. It’s amazing how often we hear stories of road rage and the deadly results that come from things as simple as just getting cut off in traffic by another person. Here I’ve come to have the mindset that the “nut” behind the wheel is the loosest thing in the car (including mine), so let go of it. In my home, I’ve found I can get angry over the simplest of things. For example; last night I asked my son to wrap up the last two pieces of his pizza and put them into the refrigerator for another meal. Five minutes later I saw him throw it away, which got me thinking about how I’m going to teach him a lesson; next time he wants some pizza, I’ll give him a few less pieces and say, look I’m just eating the pizza you were going to throw away… Are the few dollars I lost on the pizza he tossed more important than the relationship I need to build with my son? And this is just one of many examples of anger that gets played out in our home, where my self righteousness and pride become more important than the relationships around me.
At work, our anger often comes from: not getting the promotion, people not responding promptly to our requests, not getting the “choice” assignment, etc. Here we need to be very careful with what we do with this anger, as the cost of our anger is often the thing we were angry with in the first place; no promotion, not getting the special assignment or worse; termination. For me I’ve found the best outlet and release of work anger is to develop confidential relationships with peers and managers, who I can use as a sounding board to express my frustrations. I start most of these conversations with something like: “Can I meet with you for a few minutes to allow me to express my anger/frustration/etc. about _____? I’m not necessarily asking for a solution, but rather an understanding ear, who knows the work environment and situation I’m dealing with.”
Anger; we all have it at times and we can learn feel the signs when it’s getting out of control. For me, it’s the raised voice and tension that I feel in my neck, shoulders, and back. I’m trying to pay more attention to these signs and mentally ask myself; “What is this anger episode going to cost me if I act on it?”. We can also intercept our anger by proactively thinking about what are the likely things that may make me angry this week and what are the least costly ways of addressing it. And asking “What is this anger action going to cost me in the long run?”
Al Andersen 